matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
i think my cat just said my name.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
