I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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