Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
