Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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