hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
