3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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