have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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