a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
