Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
