dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
