Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
two words: eviction party
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
