morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
