i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
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She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
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and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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