Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
