We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
