Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
