dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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