I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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