By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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