It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
