Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
