You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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