you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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