It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
