i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
