when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I think your dad took our porno
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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