I wish I only lived at night.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
