4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Plan B is the new Plan A
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
