I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
