I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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