I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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