I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
