my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize