You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
