I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
