I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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