I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just had sex on a roof
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
