Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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