i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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