he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
