My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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