dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
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for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
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It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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