Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
