I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
