so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
