The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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