i was born a porn star she said
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
