My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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