In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
there is puke in my bra ... again
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
