I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
