he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
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Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
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Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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