i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
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Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
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He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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