Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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