just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize