When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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