So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
